When interacting with others I usually try to present myself in the best possible light. I do customize my communication depending on whom I am speaking to. For instance, I am very courteous and polite when speaking to the elderly and people who I feel have earned a higher level of respect because of their age. There were times when an older person did not deserve a "higher level of respect," but because of how I was raised I still hold my tongue and remain as respectful as possible. When talking with children I am gentle and carefree. I am completely uninhibited and I tend to go with the moment. When I talk to young people and teenagers I use slang and I am pretty casual unless it is an instance when I have to wear my "grown-up" hat. Then I am serious and more authoritative.
When interacting with college professors I want to be seen as an intellectual colleague. I am very conscious of the "preschool teacher" stereotype and I find myself trying to dispel the myth, so to speak. I have had situations where someone starts out speaking down to me and then their manner changes when they realize I can "keep up" with the conversation on their level. Sad, but true.
Because of my love of other languages and my travels, I use colloquialisms from other countries when speaking with people from places I am familiar with. For instance, I immediately fall into the habit of saying, "yea" at the end of sentences when interacting with friends from the UK, Australia, and New Zealand.
When interacting with people from various cultures I think I am always aware of my own race and culture and the impression I am making. I am often conflicted: I want to be seen as an individual, but I also want to be seen as a member of a group because I want people to realize that the negative stereotypes can't be applied to every member of the groups to which I belong. So, on the one hand they see me, but on the other hand I am trying to present an entire group of people in a positive manner so I become very conscious of my speech, behavior, dress, appearance, and nonverbal behavior.
I am probably most comfortable in speaking with friends and those I share cultural similarities with. I feel less guarded and I don't worry about being judged. We use slang and common expressions that are relevant to our age group and which reflect a familiarity from having grown up together.
Three strategies I could use for effective communication:
1. Being mindful of my nonverbal behavior and taking time to learn cultural rules and cues.
2. Consider the feelings and thoughts of others and the impact of my actions before I respond to others.
3. Asking questions when I need further understanding and being willing to admit when I don't know the answer.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Week 3-Television Observation
I chose to watch the television program "Mad Men". This is a show I have never watched before. It is set in an advertising agency in New York in the 1960's. I believe late 1960's, but I am not sure.
In this particular episode most of the characters looked really angry or upset when communicating with someone when I had the sound off. Because I didn't have any idea of the storyline or the relationships between the characters, I found myself trying to create a story based on facial expressions, body language, style of dress; and the facial expressions and/or reactions of the characters after being spoken to or yelled at.
Since this show takes place in an advertising agency I was looking for signs to help me discern who was the boss or who had the power. I deduced that those dressed in the expensive looking suits were in power. Those who were more casually dressed I believed to be the employees. I had nothing to go on, other than my schemas from watching similar shows (O'Hair & Weimann, 2012).
I noticed the way the men sat down when talking to each other. They crossed their legs and they always made eye contact. There was something about the way certain characters held their poise that gave me the impression that they were in control and powerful. There was a lot of smoking and drinking at work in this program as well, which made characters seem powerful and in charge. (A definite throwback to another era). I wrongly assumed with the sound off that sitting close or moving closer was a sign of warmth between characters. It wasn't. They were actually threatening each other.
I watched the interactions between men and women and started trying to piece together who was having affairs or had a shady backstory and who was actually married to each other. When I watched with the sound on I was surprised at how well I guessed who was actually having affairs. The facial expressions and body language usually gave it away. What I missed entirely when the sound was off was identifying the ex-wives. Two of the male characters had ex-wives, but when they were speaking to them it looked so amicable and supportive. When I watched with the sound on I was surprised to discover they were actually speaking to their ex-wives. Here was my "aha" moment! My schemas had taught me that television "exes" don't get along. I was used to seeing anger depicted in divorced couples on television. With the sound off I saw compassion and support, so I assumed these women were secretaries, relatives, or possibly secret lovers. I thought back to our reading this week and how schemas can sometimes lead to misinformation or stereotyping (O'Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 38). I was relying on misinformation from other television relationships.
I will admit that it was difficult watching a show I knew nothing about, with or without sound. I realized that what makes a show interesting is understanding the relationships of the characters and knowing their history or backstory. I realized that relationships are key to communication. As I watched people argue or act hostile towards someone, I didn't know who to cheer for or who to feel sorry for or whom to like or dislike. I also realized that I cannot judge people or make assumptions based on nonverbal communication. If I was watching a conversation from a distance, I am sure I would misjudge the non-verbal behavior to some extent.
Reference
O'Hair, D., & Weiman, M. (2012) Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
In this particular episode most of the characters looked really angry or upset when communicating with someone when I had the sound off. Because I didn't have any idea of the storyline or the relationships between the characters, I found myself trying to create a story based on facial expressions, body language, style of dress; and the facial expressions and/or reactions of the characters after being spoken to or yelled at.
Since this show takes place in an advertising agency I was looking for signs to help me discern who was the boss or who had the power. I deduced that those dressed in the expensive looking suits were in power. Those who were more casually dressed I believed to be the employees. I had nothing to go on, other than my schemas from watching similar shows (O'Hair & Weimann, 2012).
I noticed the way the men sat down when talking to each other. They crossed their legs and they always made eye contact. There was something about the way certain characters held their poise that gave me the impression that they were in control and powerful. There was a lot of smoking and drinking at work in this program as well, which made characters seem powerful and in charge. (A definite throwback to another era). I wrongly assumed with the sound off that sitting close or moving closer was a sign of warmth between characters. It wasn't. They were actually threatening each other.
I watched the interactions between men and women and started trying to piece together who was having affairs or had a shady backstory and who was actually married to each other. When I watched with the sound on I was surprised at how well I guessed who was actually having affairs. The facial expressions and body language usually gave it away. What I missed entirely when the sound was off was identifying the ex-wives. Two of the male characters had ex-wives, but when they were speaking to them it looked so amicable and supportive. When I watched with the sound on I was surprised to discover they were actually speaking to their ex-wives. Here was my "aha" moment! My schemas had taught me that television "exes" don't get along. I was used to seeing anger depicted in divorced couples on television. With the sound off I saw compassion and support, so I assumed these women were secretaries, relatives, or possibly secret lovers. I thought back to our reading this week and how schemas can sometimes lead to misinformation or stereotyping (O'Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 38). I was relying on misinformation from other television relationships.
I will admit that it was difficult watching a show I knew nothing about, with or without sound. I realized that what makes a show interesting is understanding the relationships of the characters and knowing their history or backstory. I realized that relationships are key to communication. As I watched people argue or act hostile towards someone, I didn't know who to cheer for or who to feel sorry for or whom to like or dislike. I also realized that I cannot judge people or make assumptions based on nonverbal communication. If I was watching a conversation from a distance, I am sure I would misjudge the non-verbal behavior to some extent.
Reference
O'Hair, D., & Weiman, M. (2012) Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Competent Communication Wk 1
The person who instantly came to mind when I thought about competent communication was President Barack Obama. I am as far removed from politics as a person can be, yet President Obama manages to capture and hold my attention whenever he is speaking.
What I admire about his communication style is the fact that he is so engaging. He is a very eloquent speaker. He is clear, confident, and charismatic. He has a certain way of controlling words and getting his point across easily.
The presidential debates were an excellent demonstration of his ability to patiently listen and wait for his turn.
He has a certain swagger about him; he remains calm and cool, even when you know he is upset or angry.
What I would like is to have President Obama's confidence, control and charisma. I find myself listening to him even when I totally disagree with him or dislike what he is saying. I would like to be able to remain calm under pressure and maintain control over my temperament during a conversation that starts pushing my buttons.
What I admire about his communication style is the fact that he is so engaging. He is a very eloquent speaker. He is clear, confident, and charismatic. He has a certain way of controlling words and getting his point across easily.
The presidential debates were an excellent demonstration of his ability to patiently listen and wait for his turn.
He has a certain swagger about him; he remains calm and cool, even when you know he is upset or angry.
What I would like is to have President Obama's confidence, control and charisma. I find myself listening to him even when I totally disagree with him or dislike what he is saying. I would like to be able to remain calm under pressure and maintain control over my temperament during a conversation that starts pushing my buttons.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Wk 8 Professional Hopes and Goals
One hope that I have about working with diverse backgrounds is that I am able to serve all children and families equally. Up to this point, I think I have done a good job supporting children, staff, and families, but I am now more aware of microaggressions and moving forward I want to be mindful of the things I say and do, no matter how small, and the things I hear and see around me. Turning a blind eye or deaf ear to another's microaggression is the same as having committed it myself.
One goal I would set for the early childhood field is to establish teacher and professional training. We need highly trained teachers and professionals to work with children, families, and staff of diverse backgrounds. I think a huge part of understanding diversity is being educated and well-trained in all aspects of anti-bias practice. Teachers are usually afraid or hesitant to work with diverse populations because they don't feel they know enough about it or have been properly trained with the skills necessary to support diverse populations.
As usual, I would like to express heartfelt thanks to all of my colleagues. It was especially great during this course to be reunited with Tina and Nadia, two people who have inspired me and motivated me throughout this program. What is different about this time is there is now mention of the end of the program. We are one course away from veering off into our specializations. I thought grad school was going to be an intense study of just your specialization. I was surprised at the number of courses we had to take before taking a specialization course. However, this has truly been a journey for me. I have learned so much about myself on a personal and professional level.
Thank you to Dr. Schonleber! This has been a very interesting class and you may have been my most challenging professor so far, but I am thankful for all of the hard work.
Thank you to all of my colleagues: Melanie, Victoria, Sha'Keema, Tinka, and Bethany for your inspiration and support. It is hard trying to balance life, work, and school and it has been a difficult road to travel, but I am thankful you are all here with me!
We're on our way to achieving our dream!
One goal I would set for the early childhood field is to establish teacher and professional training. We need highly trained teachers and professionals to work with children, families, and staff of diverse backgrounds. I think a huge part of understanding diversity is being educated and well-trained in all aspects of anti-bias practice. Teachers are usually afraid or hesitant to work with diverse populations because they don't feel they know enough about it or have been properly trained with the skills necessary to support diverse populations.
As usual, I would like to express heartfelt thanks to all of my colleagues. It was especially great during this course to be reunited with Tina and Nadia, two people who have inspired me and motivated me throughout this program. What is different about this time is there is now mention of the end of the program. We are one course away from veering off into our specializations. I thought grad school was going to be an intense study of just your specialization. I was surprised at the number of courses we had to take before taking a specialization course. However, this has truly been a journey for me. I have learned so much about myself on a personal and professional level.
Thank you to Dr. Schonleber! This has been a very interesting class and you may have been my most challenging professor so far, but I am thankful for all of the hard work.
Thank you to all of my colleagues: Melanie, Victoria, Sha'Keema, Tinka, and Bethany for your inspiration and support. It is hard trying to balance life, work, and school and it has been a difficult road to travel, but I am thankful you are all here with me!
We're on our way to achieving our dream!
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Wk 7 Welcoming Families From Around the World
The country I have chosen for this assignment is Sri Lanka. My setting is a child care center. Since I don't know anything about Sri Lanka, I have lots to learn about the deep culture of this country.
The five ways in which I would prepare myself to be culturally responsive towards this family:
The five ways in which I would prepare myself to be culturally responsive towards this family:
- It's 2013, so of course I begin with the internet. I would do a Google search of Sri Lanka and go to the Sri Lanka Tourism website. I have found this to be an excellent way to learn about a country when I am traveling. Viewing this site can provide me with some basic information about customs, values, heritage,what's respectable in Sri Lanka, and of course, the surface culture.
- I love calling embassies to get information (It helps that I can just drive to an embassy and pick up information). I would call the Embassy of Sri Lanka and ask for information on family life, values, and how to show respect in Sri Lanka. I would want to learn about gender roles, privilege and oppression, the class system, and how families view education and the role of the teacher.
- I would prepare a "Getting to Know You" packet for the family that would include: information about the center, the curriculum, the community, the children in the program, my biography; a "Family Survey" form that asks questions about the child's family background, name he/she prefers to be addressed by, family traditions, religious background, eating habits-likes and dislikes and allergies, toileting, family discipline and guidance strategies, preferred family contact for emergencies and important matters, child's favorite toys and play habits, family's understanding of play-based learning; and there would also be a form for parents to write down any notes or questions for me to respond to after our initial meeting (In case they are uncomfortable with asking questions face to face).
- If the child does not speak English, I would learn basic words in the child's home language to support his/her needs: bathroom, pee, hungry, eat, food, water, hello, goodbye, can I help, friend, play, and toy.
- I would make sure my classroom is inviting to a new family. I would ensure the child has a cubby, clearly marked with his/her name, to place his/her belongings. I would have an engaging morning circle to welcome the child and include his/her name in songs and stories, etc. I would wait until after meeting the family and getting to know them before adding things to the environment. I would ask if the family would mind having their picture taken and displayed on or in the child's cubby, I would ask for a donation of favorite books or a list of recommended children's books that are familiar to the child, I would ask if there is something they would like to bring in to help the child connect home and school. I have learned that it is better to ask the family what they prefer and need rather than assume my decorating with cultural artifacts would be appreciated. It is important to me to know how the family would like to connect home with school and what they see as their role in their child's education and my role as the educator.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Wk 6 The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression
When I sat down to write this week's entry I knew exactly what I was going to write about. But, my little tweet alert sounded off and within three minutes my entire blog post had changed.
We could discuss any incident involving bias, including those on television, books, movies, etc., and much to my distress, social media had provided me with an immediate illustration of racism, 2013.
On Tuesday, June 11, 2013, a handsome, 11 year old boy dressed in a traditional Mariachi outfit stood proudly before the San Antonio Spurs v. Miami Heat NBA Game 3 crowd and sang one of the most beautiful renditions of the National Anthem I have ever heard.
A proud native of San Antonio, Texas, young Sebastien de la Cruz sang for his team, his state, and for his country.
Twitter lit up with heated excitement as the racists ranted that the National Anthem was for Americans only! How dare San Antonio allow this Mexican the privilege of singing the anthem. There were even tweets demanding the boy go home. Back where he belonged.
Sebastien has never crossed the Mexican-American border. He was home.
Running counter to the hate, were tweets of love and support. People cheered Sebastien on and spoke of being proud to be a Mexican-American or Hispanic.
In what way did the specific bias diminish equity?
The only thing these people saw was the color of Sebastien's skin. They did not take into account that he is as American as they are and that it is a privilege for anyone to be invited to sing the National Anthem; when did it become a "whites only" song? He was not treated fairly nor justly. He was immediately discriminated against because he is brown, his ethnicity is Hispanic, and his racial identity is Mexican-American. Had those ignorant people taken one minute to listen to his voice they would have realized they were listening to a truly gifted and amazing child, blessed with a big, powerful voice.
What feelings did this incident bring up for you?
My first emotion was anger. I am with children all day long, so my primary instinct is to protect children. I have heard so many professional singers screw up that song so many times in my life that finally, someone knew all of the words and actually sang the song. I could not believe that so many adults took the time to stop watching the game and go straight to Twitter to spew hatred on a child.
An 11 year old child.
I remember being 11. I can remember not enjoying taunts, teases, or being laughed at. I can remember not taking criticism well. Yet, this child had to stand in the face of racism and speak out against the hatred of others. And he did so, quite eloquently, I must say.
I also thought about how there is never a shortage of racist incidents. For those who do not live with racism or are unaware that they do, racism is something to hear about on the news or read about online. For those of us who live with racism, we know it to be as common as the sun rising and setting each day. It is a part of our lives and who we are. Nothing surprises or shocks me. I wish something would surprise or shock me. But, no, I have yet to be shocked. Only hurt or saddened that here we are-still.
What or who would have to change in order to turn this incident into an opportunity for greater equity?
Sebastien de la Cruz appeared on Good Morning America and had one message for the racists who posted on Twitter: "To the people that do have hatred in their hearts, I just want to tell them that they should think before they say things."
The San Antonio Spurs invited Sebastien back on Thursday to sing the anthem again before Game 4.
The opportunity was provided for people to hear how talented and wonderful this child truly is and for the racists to take time and appreciate Sebastien for who he is, not his skin color or their stereotypes of Mexican-Americans.
While Sebastien, the Mayor, and the San Antonio Spurs all changed in some way by presenting a united, positive front, in their reactions to racism, I think we all need to change. Most viewers did not think of hateful remarks as they watched and listened, but how many of us watching him sing truly appreciated his dress as a sign of cultural pride or did we see it more as a Mexican costume?
I didn't notice the outfit too much, but I'll be honest-I immediately noticed the number of Hispanics present and my first thought was, "Oh, yeah, they're in San Antonio". Was I aware that San Antonio is 63% Hispanic? No. I assumed it was a Hispanic majority based on the name-San Antonio.
We all have to change.
We could discuss any incident involving bias, including those on television, books, movies, etc., and much to my distress, social media had provided me with an immediate illustration of racism, 2013.
On Tuesday, June 11, 2013, a handsome, 11 year old boy dressed in a traditional Mariachi outfit stood proudly before the San Antonio Spurs v. Miami Heat NBA Game 3 crowd and sang one of the most beautiful renditions of the National Anthem I have ever heard.
A proud native of San Antonio, Texas, young Sebastien de la Cruz sang for his team, his state, and for his country.
Twitter lit up with heated excitement as the racists ranted that the National Anthem was for Americans only! How dare San Antonio allow this Mexican the privilege of singing the anthem. There were even tweets demanding the boy go home. Back where he belonged.
Sebastien has never crossed the Mexican-American border. He was home.
Running counter to the hate, were tweets of love and support. People cheered Sebastien on and spoke of being proud to be a Mexican-American or Hispanic.
In what way did the specific bias diminish equity?
The only thing these people saw was the color of Sebastien's skin. They did not take into account that he is as American as they are and that it is a privilege for anyone to be invited to sing the National Anthem; when did it become a "whites only" song? He was not treated fairly nor justly. He was immediately discriminated against because he is brown, his ethnicity is Hispanic, and his racial identity is Mexican-American. Had those ignorant people taken one minute to listen to his voice they would have realized they were listening to a truly gifted and amazing child, blessed with a big, powerful voice.
What feelings did this incident bring up for you?
My first emotion was anger. I am with children all day long, so my primary instinct is to protect children. I have heard so many professional singers screw up that song so many times in my life that finally, someone knew all of the words and actually sang the song. I could not believe that so many adults took the time to stop watching the game and go straight to Twitter to spew hatred on a child.
An 11 year old child.
I remember being 11. I can remember not enjoying taunts, teases, or being laughed at. I can remember not taking criticism well. Yet, this child had to stand in the face of racism and speak out against the hatred of others. And he did so, quite eloquently, I must say.
I also thought about how there is never a shortage of racist incidents. For those who do not live with racism or are unaware that they do, racism is something to hear about on the news or read about online. For those of us who live with racism, we know it to be as common as the sun rising and setting each day. It is a part of our lives and who we are. Nothing surprises or shocks me. I wish something would surprise or shock me. But, no, I have yet to be shocked. Only hurt or saddened that here we are-still.
What or who would have to change in order to turn this incident into an opportunity for greater equity?
Sebastien de la Cruz appeared on Good Morning America and had one message for the racists who posted on Twitter: "To the people that do have hatred in their hearts, I just want to tell them that they should think before they say things."
The San Antonio Spurs invited Sebastien back on Thursday to sing the anthem again before Game 4.
The opportunity was provided for people to hear how talented and wonderful this child truly is and for the racists to take time and appreciate Sebastien for who he is, not his skin color or their stereotypes of Mexican-Americans.
While Sebastien, the Mayor, and the San Antonio Spurs all changed in some way by presenting a united, positive front, in their reactions to racism, I think we all need to change. Most viewers did not think of hateful remarks as they watched and listened, but how many of us watching him sing truly appreciated his dress as a sign of cultural pride or did we see it more as a Mexican costume?
I didn't notice the outfit too much, but I'll be honest-I immediately noticed the number of Hispanics present and my first thought was, "Oh, yeah, they're in San Antonio". Was I aware that San Antonio is 63% Hispanic? No. I assumed it was a Hispanic majority based on the name-San Antonio.
We all have to change.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Practicing Awareness on Microagressions
Unfortunately, we all probably witness more microaggressions than we realize. Everyone seems to have "good intentions" at someone else's expense.
What I have noticed about the Early Childhood field, is that teachers are very open about their sexual orientation. How their colleagues respond to their sexual orientation is another story. Many people suppress their disagreement with, aversion to, or repulsion of homosexuality. Some do it out of respect, some fear, some because they don't know how to handle such a sensitive topic.
Earlier this week I was talking with two teachers in my office about my son. My son is a personal trainer and body builder and he is quite fit, to put it mildly.
The young ladies were looking at pictures of my son's physique and called a third teacher into the office. The first two young ladies became quite excited and started motioning for the third teacher to hurry and come see.
As the third teacher approached my desk, one of the other ladies commented, "Oh, we've got something for you to see. Look at this eight pack," she yells, pointing at my computer screen. The third teacher looks at the picture and smiles. She looked at me in disbelief. "That's really your son or is that a picture of a model? He's got abs in places I've never seen abs!" One of the other teachers started clapping her hands and high-fives the other teacher. "I knew that would do it. There is no way you can look at a body that hot and not get turned on! We're going to turn you yet!" The other teacher joined in and informed me, "Yea, we've been trying to find guys to hook her up with. We're going to make her forget all about that girlfriend and come back to our side. You can be changed, girl, just watch us." Pointing at the screen, she tells the third teacher, "Look at him. That's what you've been missing."
The third teacher laughed the comments off and remarked, "Well, good luck with that and you don't even know any guys that look like that, not even for yourself." It was a half laugh and half grunt. I am aware that she loves her girlfriend very much and I knew she was bothered by the comments, but apparently she was used to this teasing by her friends. But, was it teasing? To me, it sounded like they were invalidating who she was and her reality was that she was very committed to her girlfriend.
Later that day I called the two teachers back to my office. I asked them whether they frequently teased her like that. They laughed and mentioned it was all in fun, they were just "messing with her". I explained to them that they can't make jokes or comments in the workplace about "changing" a person. I asked them how did they think their comments had really affected her? They admitted they had not considered her feelings. They thought it was funny and it wasn't meant to be personal. How is a person's sexual orientation and sex life not personal? I knew they felt I took it too far and was getting too involved in their "friendly" way of interacting with each other. Perhaps I was, but I saw a look on the other girl's face that also told me that perhaps that so called kidding was one sided and unwelcome.
As a witness to such an exchange, I was taken off guard. I knew they were friends and really liked each other. However, even joking about "changing" someone is a clear indication that deep down, they saw her lifestyle as wrong and in need of fixing or reversing.
I saw it as a teachable moment and I wanted to prevent any further "kidding" like this between friends. I wanted them to honor their relationship by respecting their friend's lifestyle and values. We will not agree with our friends about everything, but we all have the right to make our own decisions about how we live and who we are and that right should be respected.
This experience underscored for me how so-called "innocent" or well-meaning comments can make a person feel as if they are not "normal" because they are different. I don't want any of my staff feeling out of place because of their identities.
I perceive prejudice, discrimination, and/or stereotypes as exclusive and pointless and the outcome is hurt, exclusion, and even feeling traumatized. This experience illustrated for me how you don't just "bounce back" from being discriminated against. You try to figure out how to move on and somehow live with the hurt without allowing the hurt to take over your existence. Discrimination is an indignity. It affects how you feel about yourself. Discrimination results in feelings of shame, hurt, disgust, embarrassment, and even anger.
I watched two little girls coloring with a box of 64 crayons. I love the names of colors nowadays, macaroni and cheese? Wow. As they were coloring, they would say, "Pass me another color" or "give me some more colors". There were 64 colors to choose from. Not once did I hear, "Pass me the different color".
Why can't we think like that? Are we different or just another of many choices?
What I have noticed about the Early Childhood field, is that teachers are very open about their sexual orientation. How their colleagues respond to their sexual orientation is another story. Many people suppress their disagreement with, aversion to, or repulsion of homosexuality. Some do it out of respect, some fear, some because they don't know how to handle such a sensitive topic.
Earlier this week I was talking with two teachers in my office about my son. My son is a personal trainer and body builder and he is quite fit, to put it mildly.
The young ladies were looking at pictures of my son's physique and called a third teacher into the office. The first two young ladies became quite excited and started motioning for the third teacher to hurry and come see.
As the third teacher approached my desk, one of the other ladies commented, "Oh, we've got something for you to see. Look at this eight pack," she yells, pointing at my computer screen. The third teacher looks at the picture and smiles. She looked at me in disbelief. "That's really your son or is that a picture of a model? He's got abs in places I've never seen abs!" One of the other teachers started clapping her hands and high-fives the other teacher. "I knew that would do it. There is no way you can look at a body that hot and not get turned on! We're going to turn you yet!" The other teacher joined in and informed me, "Yea, we've been trying to find guys to hook her up with. We're going to make her forget all about that girlfriend and come back to our side. You can be changed, girl, just watch us." Pointing at the screen, she tells the third teacher, "Look at him. That's what you've been missing."
The third teacher laughed the comments off and remarked, "Well, good luck with that and you don't even know any guys that look like that, not even for yourself." It was a half laugh and half grunt. I am aware that she loves her girlfriend very much and I knew she was bothered by the comments, but apparently she was used to this teasing by her friends. But, was it teasing? To me, it sounded like they were invalidating who she was and her reality was that she was very committed to her girlfriend.
Later that day I called the two teachers back to my office. I asked them whether they frequently teased her like that. They laughed and mentioned it was all in fun, they were just "messing with her". I explained to them that they can't make jokes or comments in the workplace about "changing" a person. I asked them how did they think their comments had really affected her? They admitted they had not considered her feelings. They thought it was funny and it wasn't meant to be personal. How is a person's sexual orientation and sex life not personal? I knew they felt I took it too far and was getting too involved in their "friendly" way of interacting with each other. Perhaps I was, but I saw a look on the other girl's face that also told me that perhaps that so called kidding was one sided and unwelcome.
As a witness to such an exchange, I was taken off guard. I knew they were friends and really liked each other. However, even joking about "changing" someone is a clear indication that deep down, they saw her lifestyle as wrong and in need of fixing or reversing.
I saw it as a teachable moment and I wanted to prevent any further "kidding" like this between friends. I wanted them to honor their relationship by respecting their friend's lifestyle and values. We will not agree with our friends about everything, but we all have the right to make our own decisions about how we live and who we are and that right should be respected.
This experience underscored for me how so-called "innocent" or well-meaning comments can make a person feel as if they are not "normal" because they are different. I don't want any of my staff feeling out of place because of their identities.
I perceive prejudice, discrimination, and/or stereotypes as exclusive and pointless and the outcome is hurt, exclusion, and even feeling traumatized. This experience illustrated for me how you don't just "bounce back" from being discriminated against. You try to figure out how to move on and somehow live with the hurt without allowing the hurt to take over your existence. Discrimination is an indignity. It affects how you feel about yourself. Discrimination results in feelings of shame, hurt, disgust, embarrassment, and even anger.
I watched two little girls coloring with a box of 64 crayons. I love the names of colors nowadays, macaroni and cheese? Wow. As they were coloring, they would say, "Pass me another color" or "give me some more colors". There were 64 colors to choose from. Not once did I hear, "Pass me the different color".
Why can't we think like that? Are we different or just another of many choices?
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